This is normally a light and fluffy blog, more vanilla ice cream than steak and chips! Those of you who are kind enough to read my witterings regularly will notice that my output has slowed considerably since the summer. I have thought long and hard about writing this post as it involves others rather than myself. However, I have decided to open up a little.
In the summer my lovely husband was diagnosed with high functioning autistic spectrum disorder (ASD). Most of you will know this as Asperger's syndrome. In a nutshell it means that he has problems with processing information; he can't filter out irrelevant information so occasionally it all gets a bit much. Social communication is difficult; he has had to learn how to pick up social cues etc. There are some positive aspects - he can be very focussed and is therefore very good at his job.
Partly on the back of this diagnosis, and partly because of struggles at school, DS, (age 10), has been referred by the school for an assessment for ASD. He is almost certainly borderline, but as he matures it is becoming more obvious that he needs some support.
In one way my reality has not changed. You are born with ASD; you don't "catch" it. DH has always had ASD, and after seventeen years of marriage we have developed ways of coping. In fact, his diagnosis has enabled us to make sense of his struggles and find some external help. DS has always been a little "different" to other children. Despite knowing this in my head, for a while I felt really upset. I am finding it difficult to contact others who have partners with ASD - although I have found quite a few whose relationships didn't last. However, I do have friends who are being very supportive, and I have good friends who have children with ASD. Life continues, but the journey is different than we expected.
Thanks so much for sharing, Lesley. My daughter married a man who is autistic and they are about to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. I think she will be encouraged by reading this post, and she will most certainly appreciate your life experience.
ReplyDeleteGracie xx
Hi Gracie!
DeleteI am so glad your daughter knows her husband is autistic. If we had known DH had ASD at the beginning of our marriage it would have made things a lot easier for both of us! I would be very happy for your daughter to email me if she would like to. I think you can email me from my profile page. Lesley x
Sometimes it is very hard to open up and share the most personal and difficult of situations, but I think you will get a lot of support for this, and I think that you will also BE a support to others through your experiences - thank you for being willing to share your journey xx
ReplyDeleteTotally in agreement with Morgan's comments. I do some work with children, teenagers and adults "on the spectrum" - and know that there is no ONE path that works for everyone. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you travel this road together. I am confident that your love, and positive attitude will be a source of strength. Treasure those friends who will support you through the tough times- and never be afraid to ask them for help. Blessings and hugs xx
ReplyDeleteMost of the males in my family have some signs of Autism some very obvious and others so slight that no one outside the family realise. It can be distressing until you get the diagnosis and prognosis. You can not easily deal with something that has no identity. A very open and honest post, I hope that sharing has helped to lighten the load. Pam x
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for your supportive comments. It is lovely to know that my bloggy friends are there for me!
ReplyDeleteLesley sending you a huge hug - I have worked with many people over the years with the condition your lovely husband has and I have always felt such admiration for the way in which they have handled the difficulties they have to face. However I admire your courage and determination too Lesley it is never easy for the family either. Please contact me any time if you need a chat, I am always here for you. Big hugs to you and your lovely family.
ReplyDeleteDorothy
:-)xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Uninformed hugs here. I don't know much about the spectrum but know that with love you can get through a great deal, that a label doesn't make a person, and that both your husband and your son are lucky to have you. Sending prayers. WS xxx
ReplyDeleteI am feeling quite overwhelmed by all the love and support - thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteHubby (undiagnosed, but I am convinced) and both my sons, have Aspergers. Both sons diagnosed in Adulthood. Biggest difficulty for all of them was school. No-one had even heard of Aspergers when they were in Primary School. Hubby was sent off to Boarding School, and never forgave his mother for that. On the bright side: Youngest son has now emigrated to the USA to marry the loveliest girl you could ever hope to have for a daughter-in-law, and at 25 has just secured his first ever paid job. I am so proud of him. Older son has just started Uni as a mature student, after struggling academically all his life, at 30. I am so proud of him. Hubby? Oh! I take him places just the two times - the second time to apologise! LOL If we are socialising we have a "trigger word"... If I say "banana's" they know that they need to check what they are doing/saying is socially acceptable. The rest we cope with. All the very best; I'm sure you will be fine. Jude.x
ReplyDeleteOh! We've been married 37 years... I was, of course, VERRRRY young when we got married. ;-)
Jude, thank you so much for this. I really appreciate your advice and encouragement. It gives me hope. It is so good to hear from someone who has successfully travelled my road. I love the idea of a trigger word! Of course, I would have to get DH to the social occasion first! My son is ten, and struggling at school because he just doesn't cope with time pressures; in his head everything has to be perfect and he just can't achieve that in the time he has. It's very frustrating for him, and for those around him. Fortunately the school is very clued up and supportive. I am so pleased to hear that both your sons are doing well.
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